 |
 |
 |
High
School Athlete - Hooper, I was approached by another student
at school and
offered some performance-enhancing substances. Are these
things bad for you?
|
 |
Hooper -
Well, it depends on what you mean by bad. If by bad you mean
getting an enlarged heart, medical problems, and an early death
- then yes,
they're bad. If you mean leaving a lot of trophies & ribbons
behind as
momentos of your tragically short life, then - well they’re
still bad. |
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
|
Government
Official - Hooper, what’s the deal with “ELE” (Extinction
Level Event)?
I’ve heard a lot of stuff about this on tv. Any truth to
it? |
 |
Hooper - As I see it, if we’re not hit by a killer asteroid,
blown to bits by a super-
volcano, drowned by rising tides as a result of global warming, or wiped
out by a virus or flesh-eating bacteria - then reality television will finish
us
off in 2009. (Scientific Fact: one hour of reality tv = 1 percentage point
off your IQ, MTV = 2pts per minute, Fucillo Ads = 10pts per minute, and,
under most circumstances, FOX News can cause instant brain death) |
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
 |
Car
Buyer - Dear Hooper, I am looking to buy a new car. Any recommendations? |
 |
Hooper -
Hybrids are nice, diesel is efficient, too bad about the electric
car,
anyway, don’t worry, buy the Hummer and read the last question
again. |
|