High School Athlete - Hooper, I was approached by another student at school and offered some performance-enhancing substances. Are these things bad for you? Hooper - Well, it depends on what you mean by bad. If by bad you mean getting an enlarged heart, medical problems, and an early death - then yes, they're bad. If you mean leaving a lot of trophies & ribbons behind as momentos of your tragically short life, then - well they’re still bad. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Government Official - Hooper, what’s the deal with “ELE” (Extinction Level Event)? I’ve heard a lot of stuff about this on tv. Any truth to it? Hooper - As I see it, if we’re not hit by a killer asteroid, blown to bits by a super- volcano, drowned by rising tides as a result of global warming, or wiped out by a virus or flesh-eating bacteria - then reality television will finish us off in 2009. (Scientific Fact: one hour of reality tv = 1 percentage point off your IQ, MTV = 2pts per minute, Fucillo Ads = 10pts per minute, and, under most circumstances, FOX News can cause instant brain death) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Car Buyer - Dear Hooper, I am looking to buy a new car. Any recommendations? Hooper - Hybrids are nice, diesel is efficient, too bad about the electric car, anyway, don’t worry, buy the Hummer and read the last question again.
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